Gracie is 10!

This little girl turned 10 yesterday! I can't even believe how fast time has flown by! 

This gift was born out of sorrow as most true gifts of grace are. She is our rainbow baby. A child of promise.  One born after losing another. She never ceases to amaze me with her endless grace towards people and her love for life. I know the plans for this one are big.  I cannot wait to see what her God will do with her life.  She has an imagination beyond any other! And... she has loved horses since she was a wee thing! 

Her love never went away and we never had a choice but to indulge her interest! 

Look at her now!

Gracie is a joy! She is tender hearted, and...and I can't forget to mention...SILLY!

Happy 10th Birthday Gracie Girl!  We love you!

Sweet 16: Grit & Grace

 This girl!  She makes us laugh with her silliness, she makes us proud with her diligence, she turns 16 today.  Our funny, rock solid, determined, hilarious, sarcastic, refuse to back down, loving Jesus, amazing daughter, loyal friend Valentine.  She came into this world with a zest for life.  Always making everyone laugh while she entertained everyone around her with her crazy hair and "crazy eyes" as she called them. When she was just a wee 18 months old, she could light up a room with conversation that most adults couldn't take on!

She has seen us walk through fire and always been steady with her love and so ready to forgive our broken parenting.  Her desire to learn about life and love and Jesus astounds me daily.  She has met the challenges of growing up thus far with a grace that we couldn't have ever imagined. She can walk into her high school government class proudly being the only conservative in a largely democratic area and proudly debate her side.  She can stand up for the issues of her heart with her friends with out backing down and be proud of what she stands for.  She is ready to face life with grit and grace.  We are so proud of you KK, and are so very excited about what this next year holds for you!

Happy 16th Kathryn! 

My Valentine

Yesterday marked the beginning of Valentines Day weekend.  We had the absolute best gift a couple could ever receive on Valentines Day, a beautiful little baby girl; so we will celebrated last night by an amazing dinner out with some friends. It was an amazing night out; fun, relaxing...lots of laughs!  Just what we needed! Through all the challenges that life has thrown at us, my husband has been a constant source of strength.  He powers through the obstacles and made a life for us when there was nothing there, rebuilding a business from scratch; keeping together our family when we were all looking around not knowing where in the world we were going to land.  He has become our hero,  slowly and surely making sure we are all safe and cared for.
They say when you get married, that very minute the one you marry begins to change.  So, by now, almost 20 years in we have probably been married to many different people! Yet somehow, by God's ever present grace, we are still together and learning to fall in love over and over.  He has loved me unconditionally and it has only brought me closer to my Savior.  I am so incredibly grateful for him and thankful that God has given me a gift in him.  It takes commitment and courage to remain faithful to that covenant and I can't wait to see what this next stage in life will bring us.  So one thing about me when we first got married was I was a hopeless romantic, but  I married a hard Irishman! Imagine that for a moment!!  Well I haven't really let myself be true to that over the years, trying to be more what I thought he needed.  That's never a good idea.  That only brings hardship.  My husband has seen me for who I am over the years, and after all this time and me trying to be who I thought he needed me to be has loved me and has changed to be the man who I need. And I can only pray that God is doing the same in my heart towards him.  He has softened, and I am learning to soften again. He really is the romantic sort, deep down! Now I have outed you, honey....let's see what you can do!  Marriage is a story of redemption.  One God meant to mirror that of Christ and His church and we can see that more clearly the longer we are married.  Of course we could probably write a book after almost 20 years, and this example is a small one in comparison to all that God has done, and still needs to do in our sinful broken lives. In 20 years, a lot can happen!  I am thankful to our Savior who holds our lives in His hands and gives us His love when we deserve none. One thing he did for me recently is check off one of my bucket list items! Something I have wanted to do since I was about 15 years old... see Garth Brooks!  Of course he sang one of my most favorite love songs ever and one when I hear of course I think of my Valentine!  I had to share for Valentines Day!

Take Heart

Since Friday's attack on Paris, as most of probably have, I have had a roller coaster of emotions.  I think to not, is to not really give full attention to what is really happening.  The biggest question facing us is the obvious one of whether or not to welcome refugees onto our soil.  This one has had me stumped.  When I first saw the pictures of the masses fleeing my heart ached.  You see, from the first time, at age 15, when I went overseas on a mission trip to Tirana, Albania shortly after they had seen war, my heart and mind were opened to the atrocities that happen in the world around us.  Up to that point, all I knew was the comfort of my American life.  Coming home and actually sitting down on a toilet seat seemed too good to be true! Since then, my compassion for the oppressed has only grown.  I remember watching the horror unfold after the tsunami and feeling my heart literally jumping out of my body and racing across open seas longing to pick up those lost people and hold them and bring them to safety.  I think that compassion runs deep in my son.  After the earthquake in Haiti, we were watching as Anderson Cooper was holding a little boy named Monley who had lost his family and was asking anyone who knew anything about him to please come forward.  My son, who at the time was in second grade, leaned over and whispered in my ear, "Mama, I want him."  He prayed for  him. He talked about him  and he worried for him.  We followed up and learned he had family in Florida and upon learning of this, his little heart was so happy that he was able to come to this country to be safe.  God will do mighty things with this, I know.  But, despite this, there is the question of whether or not to bring them here? The great debate....my first reaction to all this has been one of fear, and I have to admit that this has disturbed me.  I think I expected more from myself as a Christian.  I expected to react in a place of deeper faith, but I read an article yesterday that was a response to a Washington Post article that I also read that said it this way, "While fear - whose effects, Aquinas says, are contraction, deliberation, and trembling - can hinder our capacity for rational deliberation, it is often a motivation for seeking wise counsel and pursuing positive action.  According to Aquinas, the opposite of fear is not compassion, but boldness or daring, which inspires us to meet danger head on - with a certain hope that we shall prevail." This says it so well. It points to the fact that our fear is there to point us to seek counsel, to pray, to read God's Word.  And then we can pray for boldness that will motivate us to meet danger head on...how? Well... that is the question. The writer of this article is not for bringing refugees here right now.  I happen to lean that way, but I think we need to think in a broader sense.  When Eve ate that fruit, sin entered the world and made a complicated mess of everything.  And now we are finding ourselves in the most complicated mess this world has arguably ever faced.  I don't think there is a right answer.  I also read this article.  This writer lives among the refugees in Iraq.  He is there to comfort, and is finding so many asking about the Christian faith. This moved me.  It moved me because at another time in my life I might actually be there myself.  I think we all have a job to do.  Some of us are called to go.  I believe God has called me to stay here and instill a heart of compassion and boldness for the lost into the heart of my children.  I think wherever we fall on this debate, wherever God is calling us, we need to be reminded of this...God is a sovereign God and His ways are not our ways.  John 16:33 says, "...In this world you will have tribulation. But, take heart. I have overcome the world." Refugees will come as they come.  We need to ready to face what we will face knowing that all our days have already been written.  He has ordered our steps.  In our Bible study, we just finished studying Acts, and one thing I can't stop thinking is how similar the evil is today as it was then; and throughout the book, again and again, God would thwart the evil for the advancement of the Gospel.  Are we now faced with such a similar time? We keep hearing of missionaries who are working the front lines in refugee camps where so many are coming to saving faith in Christ.  I believe the front lines are coming to us.  I don't think this will get any less complicated of an issue, but with our eyes open and our swords of God's word in our hands, we know that wherever we are, that is where God has us and He will use us for His glory.  Until He comes again, we look heavenward and press on. This is how we meet it.  We press on.

The Messy And The Beautiful Life

(Feel free to listen as you read...this has been on repeat lately in my car!)

Lately I have been more keenly aware of the evil in the world.  Maybe I have the news on more.  There is just so much happening right now and there are so many of our brothers and sisters suffering, and I just cannot get them out of my thoughts. And it seems to be getting closer and closer to home.  More and more threats against our home with shootings and social media threats against our schools. Our kids are now living in an age where they have to keep their eyes open at all times.  It's made me stop and think so much more lately about life and who I am and who I belong to and you know what happens? Cosmic warfare happens. And it's not just fear. It's a little of that.  I think we would be remiss if we didn't all struggle with some fear at all these things going on in the world. We are human, we do know the outcome yes, but human nonetheless.  The other struggle I face is a physical one... one of chronic pain and fatigue, and now I have some  med changes and the fatigue just got to a whole other level.  My body is wrecked.  Actually about everything in this house is wrecked...let's be real here!  Really, I should be at Bible study.  But, this body doesn't want to move.  Husband's work is a bit much, the schedule is freaking out of control and life is a tailspin.  I am a tailspin.  See it's times like these that the lies from the enemy come in and try to take the space that God wants to dwell. Lies of failure and lies of who I belong to.  The enemy wants us to believe we don't belong...to anyone really.  But we do belong! As believers we have HOPE! We know the end, and we have to keep moving, keep forgiving, never giving up because it's not over yet. When we are united with Christ, we too were tortured, and spat on and crucified. And when we claim the grace of Jesus, and read His Word, we too are resurrected with Him and Satan no longer has any claim on our lives.  We belong to our Savior. This is the Gospel folks! The Gospel that we need to preach to ourselves every day.  No matter what sin we face on a daily basis, or what lie the enemy throws at us, we need to preach the Gospel to our hearts. We are united with Christ.  We belong to Him. I often have to remember to realign my heart to His.  You see our lives are not our own.  When we send our kids out to the bus stop, they walk directly into the hands of the Almighty. When we get on a train or in a car to go to work, we are being carried by the hands of God.  What a beautiful picture of grace.  Life is messy but it is so beautiful.  I am working on embracing all the messiness and instead finding the beauty.  His grace abounds endlessly in it.

His Grace Abounds: Happy Birthday Michael

This is a boy about 6 years old tattered and worn, and not just his clothes. He will most likely hate that I am writing what I am about to write, but son, this for playing paper football with your dinner plate all those years! You owe me one!  This boy! Those of you who have known us through the ups and downs of raising this child know exactly where this is going. This picture was taken without planning it. The clothes he is wearing were clothes he would never take off because he refused to wear anything else.  He was defiant, rebellious, fearful....wracked with fear and debilitatingly shy.   He was angry and often showed it.  I mean...often.  Oh he laughed and he had fun, but mostly he was difficult!  His hair was long too because he refused to cut it. He wore those clothes until the cuffs came off and pants were too short and I had to basically tear them off his body. So, while we were at a photographer getting other pictures done, he was sitting there brooding in his favorite outfit.  I asked the photographer to take his picture so we would remember.  See, I knew that God's promises were true.  I knew that one day God would grab his heart and shake him up a bit. So I wanted to remember what he looked like during this dark time.  During this period of time, we got a lot of slack for many things we were doing.  I don't say this to make anyone feel bad because in all honesty, if I were looking at this situation from the outside, I may have thought or said the same things. I still hear some things now and again about how "I don't want my kid to be how he was".  In truth, aren't we all sinners? Our hearts are wretched things. But it was partly through Mikey that God taught us what His grace really meant.  We spanked like we were taught...that backfired quickly into something we never ever wanted to happen again.  We yelled...oh man did we yell.  Poor kid.  We sat in his room and took every last thing away until he even handed us his blanky!!!! stubborn little booger! I remember one time, sitting in his room against the door while he threw everything he could get his hands on and I just prayed grace over him.  I prayed that I would understand what grace meant...truly meant.  And, really it meant letting it go! It meant not striving to fix him.  He belonged to my Father and not to me.  I could not make him obey so I let go of some things that just didn't matter.  He grew his hair out and he wore his tattered clothes and it became a picture of who we were.  Broken sinners in need of a mighty Savior, a Savior who was the ONLY one who could put the little boy and his tattered and worn parents back together.   He wore winter boots with shorts all summer and he didn't wear short sleeves until the 5th grade.  Maybe 6th! One thing we did do was preach the Gospel to ourselves and to him, reminding him that even though he would often say he could never do anything right because he was always in trouble...it didn't matter, God loved him just like that. We couldn't change his behavior, we tried and failed miserably. We simply were praying that God would change his heart. So we kept telling him over and over and over that even in his sin, Jesus died for him. While he threw punches at his father, he would tell him, "son I love you". See, he was fighting not our love, but a much bigger love that was wrestling for his little heart.  And going back to that day at the photographer and that picture and the sense that one day....

t

that same boy turns 14 tomorrow and God is capturing his heart. He has grown up to be a leader among peers, learning to serve his family; faithfully and carefully knowing when his heart is wrong.  He has a mind that absorbs the Gospel and a heart that hears, and it goes down deep. Does he still have a temper?  Just ask his sisters!! We thank God for this boy and all we have learned raising him.  We wouldn't go back and change one moment with him, and we can't wait to see all that God does in and through him in the next stages of his life.  Happy 14th Michael! 

Where Is Our Emphasis?

As I was taking a walk this morning my thoughts were on Matthew 11:29.30..."Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."  I was talking with someone yesterday about her daughter getting a recent "reboot" this summer and she was so excited about it and how she was now checking all the right boxes again in her spiritual walk.  Inside I was churning. I was sad for this precious girl.  I have two teenagers my self and I often worry about their walk with their Savior but have to remember that they belong to Him and not to me.  They are in my care, yes.  But, ultimately God will finish what He has started, not me. What I was sad about was the stake she was taking in the works her daughter was doing and not in the work God was doing. It has taken me a long time in my walk with the Lord to finally understand what it means to take His yoke upon me and find rest. When the emphasis of all theology, the study of God, is on what I need to do to become a better believer is on me, the burden is so heavy.  Have I read enough today? Have I prayed enough today? I have been respectful to my parents enough today? Have I? Have I? But when the emphasis shifts to what Christ has done....oh boy! Do things change. Take the emphasis off of you and place it on Him and what he did and the burden is gone. And your heart will break. And when your heart breaks, your desire grows. Because what He did was leave his heavenly throne and become on ordinary, actually less than ordinary man, with no real home as an adult, and then was bullied, tortured and murdered. When I think of what He did for me in order to not have to strive in this life to reach heaven on my own...be still my heart. Such love. How can I not desire to serve such a God.

A Weekend of Encouragement

The message of the weekend was encouragement.  More specifically, growing in discipleship encouragement. A dear friend of our church community Barbara Murray was our gracious speaker and she gave her definition of discipleship encouragement as "infusing a fellow believer to grow in Christ".  One way to do this is by listening. To be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. (James 1:19)  Another way is to tell our story.
I sat in a room full of stories this weekend.  All of us have a story to tell.  A story that has been written by the ultimate Author.  I witnessed some brave women combat fear and tell theirs to other women who needed to hear of the battle scars of their sisters in Christ.  An amazing thing happens when fears are stilled and words flow. Hearts open and sisters share and all are encouraged to grow in Christ.
When fear keeps us from telling our story, the world hurts.  But fear is a powerful thing. It silences and paralyzes.  It causes us to question our faith and the sovereignty of God.  What if my story makes me look weak?  What if my story involves someone that I don't want to hurt or betray? What if I don't want to draw attention to myself?  What if...? These questions keep our eyes inward and our hearts sealed tight. Yes there is wisdom to be sought before sharing our sorrows and our victories, but when God calls, we must be ready to take action. All of our lives have pain, sorrow and heartache.  We all have secrets we want to hold on to.  But what if we let go of the fear keeping those things bottled up inside and we begin to share all that God has done in the darkest places of our souls?  Scripture tells us that ALL things work together for GOOD, for His glory. (Romans 8:28)  We need to hear each other's stories.  We need to know we are not alone in our battles.  The enemy works hard to silence the believer, but we witnessed the Holy Spirit at work this weekend in all the brave women who bared their souls, let go of fear, let the tears flow and encouraged the hearts of fellow believers.  I know I was deeply encouraged and challenged to tell my story.  To let the Author's story of my life be published for the world around me to be encouraged, because, lets face it. Our story is not our own.  It's His story of redeeming mankind to Himself and we are but a character in a chapter of an epic story that will last for all eternity.

Thoughts on Hope from Romans 8

Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose."  This is one of those verses that, if you have grown up in the church as I have, has been quoted more times than most others.  It is memorized and thought on, yet somehow it alludes it's meaning.  It becomes rote. I know that this is true for me.  Until recently.  There has been a lot of soul searching around this house in the last few years being back in DC.  Probably more for me than others in my family, and I have come to a much more deep understanding of who I am, where I have come from, what I believe to be true about life and scripture.  I know now that the Gospel is for the believer more than the sinner.  The sinner is dead and has no understanding of the Gospel unless the Holy Spirit has opened their eyes and then they see, become a believer and need the Gospel daily.  I need the Gospel EVERY day.  To be reminded of who I am, what has been done for me and the hope that I have.  The Gospel is not a list of dos and don'ts or a self help on how to be a better person or even follower of Christ.  The GOSPEL is the Good News of Jesus Christ and what He accomplished for ME! Simple? Yes.  Absolutely necessary? YES! Romans is all about salvation and redemption.  It talks much about suffering and being made more like Christ.  Some of us have more suffering than others and some think this is a travesty.  Many believe suffering is a result of not enough faith, or not claiming your healing or victory. At this point in my life, I have seen much suffering.  One thing I have noticed and pondered is why the deepest form of suffering often happens to those who love God with all of their being.  Why? Oh we live in a fallen world. There is that.  But we as Christians strive for something so much more than this life has to offer.  We strive to be like the One who rescued us from death.  We pray for deeper understanding and we plead to be like Him.  Well...another thing I have learned is this...watch out for what you pray for! God will surely grant this prayer and sometimes it will take us walking through fire and water to be formed into His likeness.  And yes, God will even use those things in our life that are evil and ugly and hard.  Things like abuse (whether it be emotional, physical, spiritual), cancer, rejection, chronic pain and fatigue...the list can go on forever.  We live in a fallen world where sin abounds.  These things are unavoidable this side of heaven, BUT GOD....He holds the keys! He has bound up the evil one and although the affects of him are all around, God holds His children, walks with them, never leaves their side.  This is the Gospel folks.  Plain and simple.  "And we KNOW that for those who love God, ALL THINGS work together for GOOD, for those who are called according to His purpose."  We need to be encouraged through our pain and suffering that God has a purpose, a plan beyond anything we can imagine.  He WILL use your suffering and pain for HIS glory.  I rest in this promise today. I am thankful for a God who knows the end from the beginning, who holds me in the palm of His hand and when the pain threatens, He is walking right next to me holding me up. I am learning daily to let go and let God take me where He wills.  Learning to let Him use my past to shape my future and to let it be used for His glory.

Keeping It Real

I think the thing that holds me back so often from writing is the fear of keepin' it real! But, let's face it, if we don't keep it real, how in the heck are we going to move forward with things and grow the way God wants us to? So, here I am just keepin' it real today.  Today is sunny! And today, I feel like I can conquer the world!  These days are few and far between here in lovely Maryland.  sarcastic notes there. It is no secret that I miss sunny New Mexico.  But what is a secret is how bitter I have been at the circumstances and people surrounding our move back.  I feel far less bitter than months ago and even years ago, but there still is this tiny part of me that wants to just go all Madea on some folks.  You know Madea, the crazy black woman from the movies that always keeps it real.  You just don't mess with her, cause she might just drive a truck right into your living room.  And yes, that is the scene I have had in my mind on many occasion.  You just don't mess with my family. And you certainly don't ever question my husband's loyalty or priorities.  There is one thing I know, my husband lives to care and provide for his family.  Even if it means taking on three jobs while going to school full time, and doing them all well! And don't you ever question whether or not he is being a good husband and father.  But, we all come face to face with people at some point in our lives that push us to the breaking point and our path forever changes.  As humans we like to look at these circumstances and see all the messed up parts and get angry and bitter.  But as sons and daughters of God, we have no choice but to see these things as graces that push us forever closer to His Son.  Are they always pleasant? No.  Are they always exactly how God would have wanted them to happen? No.  But nothing is ever lost on God.  He uses all the messed up ugly sinful parts of us and uses them for His glory.  Oh what grace.  He IS faithful, and I am only starting to see God's plan for us here in this place at this time.  So….here's to sunshine!  Let's keep it real today….God loves us and has good things planned for us today. One step in front of the other we grow.  Thankful for promises.

A New Beginning

Life is all about change.  It's about the ebbs and flows and how we are going to deal with these waves.  Some have lives relatively steady; not much in the way of change or challenge, so it seems.  Then there are the ones who's lives seem to live in constant challenge.  In the last few years, I have felt like the latter.  But, you know what? I wouldn't want it any other way.  Challenge is what causes our faith to grow.  It's what causes us to question who we are, what we believe, what our values and priorities are.  Oh, ask me in the midst of something hard and I might crumble like a baby.  I have so many times in the last months, but as I look back over the course of 5 years or so, what I see is a girl questioning life and faith grow into a woman who knows what grace is and what her Savior did for her.  I see a girl coming of age and coming to faith and growing.
Our time away from DC was a time to be a bit free from the constant bombardment of competition, of time wasted, of keeping up with the Jones's, of being so engrossed in our own lives that we miss all that is going on around us. The last thing I ever wanted to do was to come back to this fast paced, competitive, fierce city with all its highways and claustrophobia inducing buildings and trees!! I loved the wide open spaces and friendly smiles, the slowness of life and the deep blue skies of New Mexico. I will cherish it forever as a break from this way of life that we find ourselves back in.  So…the question now is, how do I live my life here with the values and priorities of the slow ways I had come to love? How do I live simply and intentionally around personalities that fight to always be 5 steps ahead of everyone else.  This….this is the question of the year for me. As I sit here writing in our own space now, I come face to face with this challenge of keeping the priorities I hold dear; and I have to confess, these past 18 months I have been horribly selfish simply based on my grief of a life I wanted away from here. My kids have suffered, my husband has suffered, I have suffered.  But God….oh how I love these words.  "But God who is rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together in Christ…" Eph 2:4,5  There is redemption.  There is mercy.  There is hope.  I remember when I would write in NM, I would write at my desk and look out my window and see the backyard of my dreams, the mountain behind it and often hot air balloons floating through the sky.  Now, it's the hustle and bustle of a city driving by.  Much different…but my God is not.  With this hope, I know I can walk through this change as a new beginning and face many more challenges with grace.  My hope is that we can look back on this season as one of growth and grace and a life lived intentionally.  I want to instill this into my children as they grow through the changes of life.  As they embark on change this next year into public school, I hope and pray that they will look back on all God has held them through and not forget that He walks with them and strengthens them on a minute by minute basis.  I feel so full when I see them growing and being nurtured through life.
I am glad to be writing again.  I feel ready to tackle this next season and keep record of all God wants to do in the lives of this little family.  Our adventure continues….

When There Are No Words Left To Say

Sometimes we are at a place in life where there are no words left to speak. Life has a way knocking us around and leaving us completely paralyzed at the foot of the cross. It's been over a year back here in Maryland, and life doesn't want to let up it seems.  The hits keep coming and it leaves us breathless.  I am so grateful for my Savior...the One who never lets us walk through these times without Him.  He gives grace for the days and strength to our bones. So...when there are no words left to say, we say Thank You.  Thank you for life. Thank you for resurrection. Thank you for provision in time of need.  Thank you for the faith to dig down deep and keep going.  When life doesn't let up, we give thanks.

 For this boy and a birthday...another year to watch him grow.

 For a house full of teenagers....oh the fun!

New friendships...oh so thankful.

God has provided joy in the midst of struggle, faith where it seems there shouldn't be.  He has carried us through this year, and I know He won't let go. So very thankful for the many blessings He has provided and the faith that ONLY He can give.  God is working His will out in our daily lives....I pray I can see it and walk through my days with my eyes upward....looking to the only One who can sustain and bring redemption.

What to Say to My Soul:1000 Gifts

Oh Maryland, my sweet home.  Maryland means to me clouds, gray skies, rain...Oh how I miss the southwest sunshine. It is truly a test of will and a test of who I look to for my happiness and contentment. Because right now, I am neither.  Let's just lay it all out there. And the body threatening to rekindle old aches and pains is fierce.  I am in a fight for life right now.  What do we do when this fight rages? We preach to our souls. We preach truth to our hearts. We stand on the grace of the Gospel...that all we have is what Christ did for us. That we are depraved human beings with no hope outside of the saving grace of Jesus. And we give thanks for it. This is all we have.  Gratitude to the one who gives us all graces in our lives.  This can be ever so hard when our flesh only wants to see the negatives in life.  But God gives us so much....daily.  If we look, we will see it.  I am doing just that....the hunt for all things beautiful in this gray world I am finding myself in.  Looking ahead to promise and holding on for dear life. I feel my little family is in the same fight, and I so want to show them that God IS great and His love IS good; that there are 10,000 reasons to give thanks and then 10,000 more and 10,000 more. Showing them that from the time we wake up until the time we lay our heads down to sleep, God IS GOOD. I went and found our list and saw that little hands have been counting...looking to God's grace today, our list continues....


#282   Music (KK)
#283   Cookies (Grace)
#284   Phone (KK)
#285   Cooking (Grace)
#286   Fun with big friends (Grace)
#287   Big girl making cake pops
#288   Pot of homemade soup
#289   Christmas Morning
#290   Bright happy faces
#291   Christmas (KK)
#292   Starbucks (KK)
#293   Recess & School (Grace)
#294   Cookies & Pets (Grace)
#295   Home & TV (Grace)
#296   P.E. (Grace)
#297   Mom & Dad (Grace)
#298   My little watching Sound of Music for the first time
#299   Boy sleepovers
#300   Girl turing 13
#301   Rays of sun through the fog
#302   Gentle reminders-preach the Gospel to my kids
#303   Naps
#304   Mall & Friday Finale (Grace)

Our Christmas Card:1000 Gifts

Hold on for dear life!!  This has been one wild ride! 

Merry Christmas our dear friends and family...this year, our "card" is a little different.  Between time and funds, this will have to do!!  Most of you know where we are in our adventurous life, but for those of you who aren't as up to date, we are back in Maryland; back to our roots and our former life.  Not really what we expected, but then again, when does God do what we expect in life? This has been a roller coaster experience for sure.  One filled with joy and pain, sorrow and struggle, grief and growth. The pieces are far from put together, but I have a faithful God who has already made the pieces of our puzzle and is working to put them together in His time.  I rest in that. Ok, so a little update on us...

Kathryn: she is just shy of 13.  Our little Valentine is happy to be back.  She is in 7th grade and loves life.  She is a true joy to us. Kathryn's heart is full of compassion and full of love for her family and her friends.  She is back to Irish dancing and loving every minute of it.  She was able to compete in New Orleans in November in the Southern Region Oireachtas with an 8-hand team.  And, she is getting ready to start practice for the same team to head to Worlds in Boston!  She is getting around these days. We are trying hard to keep up! But it is a joy to try.  

Mikey: he is 11.  And. Such. A. Boy.  He was not so eager to come back east, but he has grown so much for it.  We see growth daily in this young man, and it is a joy to watch.  He also is full of compassion and love for his family, although he has a funny way of showing it at times!!  He is in the 5th grade and is currently playing basketball for our school The Fourth Presbyterian School.  He was part of the newspaper club this semester and I think he has really found a love for picture taking.  Which would make more sense, cause to get him to actually be in a picture or smile is quite the undertaking. 

Gracie: she is 6!  I can't believe 6 years has come and gone since this little gift of grace came into our lives.  It was through carrying her that I finally and truly understood the Gospel and what grace meant.  We are so very thankful for her....she is a whirlwind of joy around here.  She is full of whit and her laughter is contagious. She is in the 1st grade and loves school.  She throws herself fully into life.  She also Irish dances and is just beginning to compete. Keeping up with two Irish dancers in the family, well, lets just say...Mama may have to get a job after all!!!

Michael: we won't advertise his age!!!  He is currently working on getting his appraisal license reinstated, which has taken a lot more than we anticipated.  But, as always, he has been faithful to get to all his classes and still work for his brother full time, be a husband and a daddy.  I will never know how he does it all, but I am thankful for this faithful, hardworking man.

Alisha: I don't think I will say my age either! Well, let's see...we got back into town in June and 4, yes 4 days later I went to work full time in a doctors office! I worked there for three months filling in for two ladies who were on back to back maternity leave.  What. A. Summer.  Really, it was the hardest summer for our family.  So much transition and pain and loneliness, especially for the kids with mama out of the house.  But, we survived and I am now back at home full time.  Whew!!  I will help there when they need it, and am happy to keep my foot in the working door.  For now though, home is where we need me to be and I am happy to oblige. These days are filled with laundry, meals, driving, driving, and more driving!!  It's my stage of life, and I am trying to savor every moment.

In light of the recent tragedy in Newtown, my heart is ever more prone to thank my God for the gifts of grace He daily pours out.  I am so keenly aware that there is NOTHING I can do to save myself; no good works, no good thoughts.  He ALONE saves. I read today her blog, and the picture she paints is so vivid.  She writes of the snake in Genesis who tempted and won over Eve in the garden to eat of the fruit.  The snake was later cursed by God and told that "He will crush your head, and you will strike his heel" (Gen 3:15). She goes on to quote Revelation and the Christmas story that is depicted there (Rev. 12:1-6).  She also writes about the neurology of a snake, how when it's head is crushed, it slashes around wildly for a long time.  That snake that tempted Eve and caused the world to fall apart, his head is certainly crushed, but we still feel the impact of that to this day. In fact, we will feel the impact of that until the day our Lord returns.  Oh, his head is crushed, but the tail still wildly thrashes about this world reeking havoc. We saw that this past Friday. Giving thanks is our only coping mechanism that we have that can right any pain in our lives.  Coming to God in humility and thanking Him for His graces, this is how we move on toward Heaven.  Many of us have one foot in heaven this day, let's thank Him for His grace and look heavenward knowing that not a hair can fall from our head without the will of God; that all things work together for our good...somehow.

We are thankful today and our list grows:

#268 school plays (KK)
#269 "Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown"
#270 "Loosy and Peprmit Pade" (or...Lucy & Peppermint Patty-Grace)
#271 Mrs. W
#272 Friends who listen
#273 Food (Mikey)
#274 my Elf on the Shelf (Grace)
#275 Glow of candles
#276 Provision
#277 Timely words
#278 Church friends (KK)
#279 being able to stay home when my kids are sick
#280 Christmas cards from loved ones
#281 remembrance

Merry Christmas from the O'Halloran family.  May God richly bless you this coming year.

Perseverance:1000 Gifts

Perseverance. It's hard in the face of adversity. We are all as a family learning this in many different ways.  In the face of broken dreams, it takes perseverance to get up and face a new day with joy and gratitude for what lies before you. Isn't that what Mary must have felt throughout her journey? What ups and downs of emotions she must have endured during the time waiting for Jesus to be born. This season is a season of waiting, and I feel so keenly aware of that feeling.  Waiting to see what God has planned through all this struggle of change. My oldest has just had an experience in which she too has to face perseverance in the face of challenge.  Oh she danced so beautifully and always has. This time wasn't her time. The tears flowed. And she goes on. She has faced many obstacles along her journey.  And. She. Just. Presses. On. She is an example of what it means to persevere. Her time WILL come, and so it will for all of us who follow Christ. This time of year always brings me to the heart of the Gospel. The waiting. The expectation.  And God WAS and IS faithful to fulfill all of our longing. We have all been writing our gratitude down and our list continues...

#208 Starbucks (KK)
#209 School (Grace)
#210 Getting to work at a job I love (Karen)
#211 A quiet day
#212 Smell of fresh laundry
#213 Sleep (KK)
#214 Medicine (Mikey)
#215 Hot Coffee
#216 A short school week
#217 Time w/ family
#218 TV (Grace)
#219 Christmas Music
#220 Thanksgiving Play at school
#221 Warm House (Sharon)
#222 My life is in God's hands (Sharon)
#223 Clothes (KK)
#224 Mikey leaning in for a hug
#225 KK asking "Mom, brush my hair?"
#226 Peace today
#227 Storage Units
#228 Girlie playdates
#229 Cousins (Grace)
#230 Cars (Mikey)
#231 Chick-Fil-A (KK)
#232 Toothless "goodmorning" from my girl
#233 Houses & Pool (Grace)
#234 Little sisters (KK)
#235 Clothes (KK)
#236 Music (Sharon)
#237 All the various colored birds (Sharon)
#238 Blue Sky (Sharon)
#239 Watching Mikey make cranberry relish
#240 Meeting an old friend for coffee and catching up
#241 Slow Thanksgiving morning
#242 Melting Pot dinner
#243 Outside & Playground (Grace)
#244 Thanksgiving (Mikey)
#245 Family (KK)
#246 A beautiful sunrise
#247 Dogs (Grace)
#248 Animal Control (Mikey)
#249 Playdates & Sleepovers (Grace)
#250 Dogs & Cats (Grace)
#251 A visit with cousins
#252 School (KK)
#253 Recess (Grace)
#254 Clothes (Mikey)
#255 iPhone 4S (KK)
#256 Christmas Decorations
#257 My little girl reading better
#258 An upcoming trip with my oldest
#259 Plays (Grace)
#260 Homework (Grace)
#261 Friends Belle & Ella (Grace)
#262 cereal (KK)
#263 Food & Daisy Scouts (Grace)
#264 books (KK)
#265 Christmas lights
#266 Homework (Grace)
#267 time with KK

Two Years Later:1000 Gifts

It has been two years already. Time flies faster than I could ever imagine it could. Two years ago, we were getting ready for a special visitor. What we got instead was news that would forever change our lives. Our beloved father, PopPop, friend, brother in Christ was taken home much earlier than we could have thought. It WAS HIS time, and we can see that a little clearer now. Somehow God chose to take him home and leave us behind to learn to trust. The life of our little family got significantly harder and we are still in the throws of trial and grief on the same level, but much more added. I still do not understand God's way with us, and sometimes feel like a hurt child who wants to climb into the arms of my heavenly Father. And I just want to rest there for awhile. I am thankful the my Father in heaven is one who wants me to do just that. Thankful that I CAN rest for while. And in the meantime, He surly takes care of His own. My mother-in-law has seen God move this week in a sweet way. Psalm 68:5 tells us He is "Father to the fatherless and protector of the widow". God has provided a brand new furnace free of charge to her! It IS miraculous. God does protect us and He will be a husband to the husbandless. And this wasn't the only way in which God has shown is love for her. What a God we serve. This past week, we officially joined our church and have been writing our statements of faith. One precious church member gave this as her statement, and there really are no better words than these to state what we believe. What a comfort these words are to me as we ponder God and His mighty ways. From the Heidelberg Catechism, Question 1: "What is my only comfort in life and death? That I am not my own, but belong - body and soul, in life and in death - to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ. He has fully paid for all my sins with His precious blood, and has set me free from the tyranny of the devil. He also watches over me in such a way that not a hair can fall from my head without the will of my Father in heaven: in fact, ALL things must work together for my salvation. Because I belong to him, Christ, by his Holy Spirit, assures me of eternal life and makes me wholeheartedly willing and ready from now on to live for Him."

Tom is in the hands of our precious Lord and Savior, basking in His grace face to face with his Father. We rejoice for him and wait eagerly for the day we can see him again. We remember Tom's amazing heart for his Savior, for prayer and care for those around him. We miss you. Everyday.

Through all, this particular household has felt the cosmic warfare around us. It's thick and we are right in the middle of it. The only way I know how to walk through this is to get on my knees in heartfelt gratitude for the ways in which my God loves me. Sharon and I decided to put out a journal on the kitchen table so we all can write down our gratitude together; rejoice for each other in the small things and in the big. I am looking back and realize it was one year ago today that I journaled my last gift on this list. And,  it is no wonder I feel far from gracious these days.  Praying for God to change my heart and to help me remember ALL that HE HAS done.

So we have picked up our pen, and the list continues...

#198 gentle reminders from the Holy Spirit
#199 coffee with friends
#200 Knox and my family (Gracie)
#201 Food (Kathryn)
#202 Brand New Furnace...FREE!! (Sharon)
#203 Truck sold!! (Sharon)
#204 God (Gracie)
#205 Food!! (Mikey) I guess they are hungry kids!!
#206 Sunshine (Sharon)
#207 My family (Sharon)

Checking In

I am still here! Just have been quiet these days, trying to grasp the drastic change in lifestyle here in the east. This is my hometown, although I feel far from home these days. We are trying to settle back in to the hustle and bustle of the DC area. The kids are doing great back in their school with their childhood friends and that makes my heart glad. We did a little bit of travel and sightseeing before we left the great west. Disney was our primary destination, but we got to spend a night on the beach outside of LA and see the Grand Canyon on the way back. The trip was a great break from the stresses of packing and moving, but seems a lifetime ago. What a day!

Her favorite princess...who we visited at least 3 times!

All smiles...even the boy!!

Priceless!!

My California girl....I think she has a new love

Our view...stunning. And yes, I want to go back!

My kiddos!

He was in awe of the space...maybe a future photographer!

God's amazing creation

And then...the goodbyes.

Sweet prayers of safety...

Oh how I miss these ladies...

Best Friends...

Goodbye Big Sky...

Didn't we do this already?!

A site you don't see in the East...the Santa Fe train. Beautiful.

Maryland welcomes you...with rain of course.

We have come full circle. We do not have understanding yet of God's plan, but we rest in His promises that He holds our little family in the palm of His hand. I have been quiet here because I simply have not had words to speak. I have felt, and quite frankly, still feel empty and at times, hopeless. But I have been reminded of this... Romans 8:26-28 tells us "Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." I am thankful that He is praying for me when I don't have the words to express. He knows what they are. So...I guess the adventure continues, just here on the east coast and not on the west. Let's see where it takes us....

A Bend in the Road

This is my backyard. This is the view I will miss. Yes, it is official...we are moving back east. This has caused much pain and confusion in our little family, and it has been a time of such growing pains. Sometimes it's hard to understand the ways of God. These last few years have been wonderfully painful, gloriously hard, and ones we will not soon forget. I personally have met some of the best friends I will ever have. I have had so much fun with some special ladies here and that time will be so missed. Maybe I will introduce you to some of them soon! I don't feel ready to go back just yet, but....I know we are in the hands of Almighty God. This is what I constantly lean on. I saw God move when we moved out here, and I am seeing His hand on the way back. Very specific prayers have been answered and that always mystifies me. God is blessing us. My older girl gets to go on a dance trip to New Orleans, something she has begged and prayed about and it is happening for her. Makes my heart happy. Ways have been provided for our kids to go back to the school we left, something that will make this transition a bit easier. And God has blessed me with a job I am really excited about! God is good. He sees our lives and He knows what we need and He is faithful to care for us. I am excited to see what He has in store for us. It will be a long hard road back, but I am confident in the God who hold us in the palm of His hand. So our great adventure has a little bend in the road, but it is far from over.

1000 Gifts Dare

I am sluggish in this dare...the dare I took so long ago. My heart is so willing, but my flesh is so weak. Why is it so hard to write down graces? I am still in it though....

Read this if you want to be inspired to start journaling God's gifts to you: A Holy Experience

Timely Grace

I have had no inspiration for my blog these days. In fact, I have felt mostly numb lately about happenings in our life. I am ready for God to move and do SOMETHING...anything. But, I know that God has His own time. So, in a rare moment of quiet today, I picked up this.


Timely Grace

"One of the great words of comfort that comes to us from the Old Testament is found in the prophecy of Isaiah: 'When thou passeth through the waters, they shall not overflow thee' (Isaiah 43:2)

God does not open paths for us before we need them. He does not promise help before help is necessary. He does not remove obstacles from our path before we reach those obstacles. Yet, when we are on the edge of our need, God's hand is always stretched out.

There are many times when we forget this simple truth. As a consequence, we end up worrying about difficulties which we see ahead, and the future becomes a place that is threatening and obstacle strewn. We expect that God is join to make the path plain and open before us for miles and miles ahead, whereas he has promised to do it only step by step as we need it.

Our call is to go to the waters with our eyes fixed on him. Instead of seeing the floods and the raging seas, we claim his promise. Then, we bodily step forward in faith.

There are those who unnecessarily harbor the dread of the future in their personal lives, in their work, and even in church. The dread may have to do with health, vision, or duty, or even the reality of death.

God's promise stands: grace for whatever is needed will be provided-living grace, timely grace; and even in due time, dying grace. The waves do not overflow us for God is our sufficiency. With that promise claimed, with that vision before our eyes, we are able to go forward confident in him always."

Rob Norris from "To Live the Gospel"