Where Is Our Emphasis?

As I was taking a walk this morning my thoughts were on Matthew 11:29.30..."Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."  I was talking with someone yesterday about her daughter getting a recent "reboot" this summer and she was so excited about it and how she was now checking all the right boxes again in her spiritual walk.  Inside I was churning. I was sad for this precious girl.  I have two teenagers my self and I often worry about their walk with their Savior but have to remember that they belong to Him and not to me.  They are in my care, yes.  But, ultimately God will finish what He has started, not me. What I was sad about was the stake she was taking in the works her daughter was doing and not in the work God was doing. It has taken me a long time in my walk with the Lord to finally understand what it means to take His yoke upon me and find rest. When the emphasis of all theology, the study of God, is on what I need to do to become a better believer is on me, the burden is so heavy.  Have I read enough today? Have I prayed enough today? I have been respectful to my parents enough today? Have I? Have I? But when the emphasis shifts to what Christ has done....oh boy! Do things change. Take the emphasis off of you and place it on Him and what he did and the burden is gone. And your heart will break. And when your heart breaks, your desire grows. Because what He did was leave his heavenly throne and become on ordinary, actually less than ordinary man, with no real home as an adult, and then was bullied, tortured and murdered. When I think of what He did for me in order to not have to strive in this life to reach heaven on my own...be still my heart. Such love. How can I not desire to serve such a God.

A Weekend of Encouragement

The message of the weekend was encouragement.  More specifically, growing in discipleship encouragement. A dear friend of our church community Barbara Murray was our gracious speaker and she gave her definition of discipleship encouragement as "infusing a fellow believer to grow in Christ".  One way to do this is by listening. To be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. (James 1:19)  Another way is to tell our story.
I sat in a room full of stories this weekend.  All of us have a story to tell.  A story that has been written by the ultimate Author.  I witnessed some brave women combat fear and tell theirs to other women who needed to hear of the battle scars of their sisters in Christ.  An amazing thing happens when fears are stilled and words flow. Hearts open and sisters share and all are encouraged to grow in Christ.
When fear keeps us from telling our story, the world hurts.  But fear is a powerful thing. It silences and paralyzes.  It causes us to question our faith and the sovereignty of God.  What if my story makes me look weak?  What if my story involves someone that I don't want to hurt or betray? What if I don't want to draw attention to myself?  What if...? These questions keep our eyes inward and our hearts sealed tight. Yes there is wisdom to be sought before sharing our sorrows and our victories, but when God calls, we must be ready to take action. All of our lives have pain, sorrow and heartache.  We all have secrets we want to hold on to.  But what if we let go of the fear keeping those things bottled up inside and we begin to share all that God has done in the darkest places of our souls?  Scripture tells us that ALL things work together for GOOD, for His glory. (Romans 8:28)  We need to hear each other's stories.  We need to know we are not alone in our battles.  The enemy works hard to silence the believer, but we witnessed the Holy Spirit at work this weekend in all the brave women who bared their souls, let go of fear, let the tears flow and encouraged the hearts of fellow believers.  I know I was deeply encouraged and challenged to tell my story.  To let the Author's story of my life be published for the world around me to be encouraged, because, lets face it. Our story is not our own.  It's His story of redeeming mankind to Himself and we are but a character in a chapter of an epic story that will last for all eternity.

Thoughts on Hope from Romans 8

Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose."  This is one of those verses that, if you have grown up in the church as I have, has been quoted more times than most others.  It is memorized and thought on, yet somehow it alludes it's meaning.  It becomes rote. I know that this is true for me.  Until recently.  There has been a lot of soul searching around this house in the last few years being back in DC.  Probably more for me than others in my family, and I have come to a much more deep understanding of who I am, where I have come from, what I believe to be true about life and scripture.  I know now that the Gospel is for the believer more than the sinner.  The sinner is dead and has no understanding of the Gospel unless the Holy Spirit has opened their eyes and then they see, become a believer and need the Gospel daily.  I need the Gospel EVERY day.  To be reminded of who I am, what has been done for me and the hope that I have.  The Gospel is not a list of dos and don'ts or a self help on how to be a better person or even follower of Christ.  The GOSPEL is the Good News of Jesus Christ and what He accomplished for ME! Simple? Yes.  Absolutely necessary? YES! Romans is all about salvation and redemption.  It talks much about suffering and being made more like Christ.  Some of us have more suffering than others and some think this is a travesty.  Many believe suffering is a result of not enough faith, or not claiming your healing or victory. At this point in my life, I have seen much suffering.  One thing I have noticed and pondered is why the deepest form of suffering often happens to those who love God with all of their being.  Why? Oh we live in a fallen world. There is that.  But we as Christians strive for something so much more than this life has to offer.  We strive to be like the One who rescued us from death.  We pray for deeper understanding and we plead to be like Him.  Well...another thing I have learned is this...watch out for what you pray for! God will surely grant this prayer and sometimes it will take us walking through fire and water to be formed into His likeness.  And yes, God will even use those things in our life that are evil and ugly and hard.  Things like abuse (whether it be emotional, physical, spiritual), cancer, rejection, chronic pain and fatigue...the list can go on forever.  We live in a fallen world where sin abounds.  These things are unavoidable this side of heaven, BUT GOD....He holds the keys! He has bound up the evil one and although the affects of him are all around, God holds His children, walks with them, never leaves their side.  This is the Gospel folks.  Plain and simple.  "And we KNOW that for those who love God, ALL THINGS work together for GOOD, for those who are called according to His purpose."  We need to be encouraged through our pain and suffering that God has a purpose, a plan beyond anything we can imagine.  He WILL use your suffering and pain for HIS glory.  I rest in this promise today. I am thankful for a God who knows the end from the beginning, who holds me in the palm of His hand and when the pain threatens, He is walking right next to me holding me up. I am learning daily to let go and let God take me where He wills.  Learning to let Him use my past to shape my future and to let it be used for His glory.

Keeping It Real

I think the thing that holds me back so often from writing is the fear of keepin' it real! But, let's face it, if we don't keep it real, how in the heck are we going to move forward with things and grow the way God wants us to? So, here I am just keepin' it real today.  Today is sunny! And today, I feel like I can conquer the world!  These days are few and far between here in lovely Maryland.  sarcastic notes there. It is no secret that I miss sunny New Mexico.  But what is a secret is how bitter I have been at the circumstances and people surrounding our move back.  I feel far less bitter than months ago and even years ago, but there still is this tiny part of me that wants to just go all Madea on some folks.  You know Madea, the crazy black woman from the movies that always keeps it real.  You just don't mess with her, cause she might just drive a truck right into your living room.  And yes, that is the scene I have had in my mind on many occasion.  You just don't mess with my family. And you certainly don't ever question my husband's loyalty or priorities.  There is one thing I know, my husband lives to care and provide for his family.  Even if it means taking on three jobs while going to school full time, and doing them all well! And don't you ever question whether or not he is being a good husband and father.  But, we all come face to face with people at some point in our lives that push us to the breaking point and our path forever changes.  As humans we like to look at these circumstances and see all the messed up parts and get angry and bitter.  But as sons and daughters of God, we have no choice but to see these things as graces that push us forever closer to His Son.  Are they always pleasant? No.  Are they always exactly how God would have wanted them to happen? No.  But nothing is ever lost on God.  He uses all the messed up ugly sinful parts of us and uses them for His glory.  Oh what grace.  He IS faithful, and I am only starting to see God's plan for us here in this place at this time.  So….here's to sunshine!  Let's keep it real today….God loves us and has good things planned for us today. One step in front of the other we grow.  Thankful for promises.

A New Beginning

Life is all about change.  It's about the ebbs and flows and how we are going to deal with these waves.  Some have lives relatively steady; not much in the way of change or challenge, so it seems.  Then there are the ones who's lives seem to live in constant challenge.  In the last few years, I have felt like the latter.  But, you know what? I wouldn't want it any other way.  Challenge is what causes our faith to grow.  It's what causes us to question who we are, what we believe, what our values and priorities are.  Oh, ask me in the midst of something hard and I might crumble like a baby.  I have so many times in the last months, but as I look back over the course of 5 years or so, what I see is a girl questioning life and faith grow into a woman who knows what grace is and what her Savior did for her.  I see a girl coming of age and coming to faith and growing.
Our time away from DC was a time to be a bit free from the constant bombardment of competition, of time wasted, of keeping up with the Jones's, of being so engrossed in our own lives that we miss all that is going on around us. The last thing I ever wanted to do was to come back to this fast paced, competitive, fierce city with all its highways and claustrophobia inducing buildings and trees!! I loved the wide open spaces and friendly smiles, the slowness of life and the deep blue skies of New Mexico. I will cherish it forever as a break from this way of life that we find ourselves back in.  So…the question now is, how do I live my life here with the values and priorities of the slow ways I had come to love? How do I live simply and intentionally around personalities that fight to always be 5 steps ahead of everyone else.  This….this is the question of the year for me. As I sit here writing in our own space now, I come face to face with this challenge of keeping the priorities I hold dear; and I have to confess, these past 18 months I have been horribly selfish simply based on my grief of a life I wanted away from here. My kids have suffered, my husband has suffered, I have suffered.  But God….oh how I love these words.  "But God who is rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together in Christ…" Eph 2:4,5  There is redemption.  There is mercy.  There is hope.  I remember when I would write in NM, I would write at my desk and look out my window and see the backyard of my dreams, the mountain behind it and often hot air balloons floating through the sky.  Now, it's the hustle and bustle of a city driving by.  Much different…but my God is not.  With this hope, I know I can walk through this change as a new beginning and face many more challenges with grace.  My hope is that we can look back on this season as one of growth and grace and a life lived intentionally.  I want to instill this into my children as they grow through the changes of life.  As they embark on change this next year into public school, I hope and pray that they will look back on all God has held them through and not forget that He walks with them and strengthens them on a minute by minute basis.  I feel so full when I see them growing and being nurtured through life.
I am glad to be writing again.  I feel ready to tackle this next season and keep record of all God wants to do in the lives of this little family.  Our adventure continues….

When There Are No Words Left To Say

Sometimes we are at a place in life where there are no words left to speak. Life has a way knocking us around and leaving us completely paralyzed at the foot of the cross. It's been over a year back here in Maryland, and life doesn't want to let up it seems.  The hits keep coming and it leaves us breathless.  I am so grateful for my Savior...the One who never lets us walk through these times without Him.  He gives grace for the days and strength to our bones. So...when there are no words left to say, we say Thank You.  Thank you for life. Thank you for resurrection. Thank you for provision in time of need.  Thank you for the faith to dig down deep and keep going.  When life doesn't let up, we give thanks.

 For this boy and a birthday...another year to watch him grow.

 For a house full of teenagers....oh the fun!

New friendships...oh so thankful.

God has provided joy in the midst of struggle, faith where it seems there shouldn't be.  He has carried us through this year, and I know He won't let go. So very thankful for the many blessings He has provided and the faith that ONLY He can give.  God is working His will out in our daily lives....I pray I can see it and walk through my days with my eyes upward....looking to the only One who can sustain and bring redemption.

What to Say to My Soul:1000 Gifts

Oh Maryland, my sweet home.  Maryland means to me clouds, gray skies, rain...Oh how I miss the southwest sunshine. It is truly a test of will and a test of who I look to for my happiness and contentment. Because right now, I am neither.  Let's just lay it all out there. And the body threatening to rekindle old aches and pains is fierce.  I am in a fight for life right now.  What do we do when this fight rages? We preach to our souls. We preach truth to our hearts. We stand on the grace of the Gospel...that all we have is what Christ did for us. That we are depraved human beings with no hope outside of the saving grace of Jesus. And we give thanks for it. This is all we have.  Gratitude to the one who gives us all graces in our lives.  This can be ever so hard when our flesh only wants to see the negatives in life.  But God gives us so much....daily.  If we look, we will see it.  I am doing just that....the hunt for all things beautiful in this gray world I am finding myself in.  Looking ahead to promise and holding on for dear life. I feel my little family is in the same fight, and I so want to show them that God IS great and His love IS good; that there are 10,000 reasons to give thanks and then 10,000 more and 10,000 more. Showing them that from the time we wake up until the time we lay our heads down to sleep, God IS GOOD. I went and found our list and saw that little hands have been counting...looking to God's grace today, our list continues....


#282   Music (KK)
#283   Cookies (Grace)
#284   Phone (KK)
#285   Cooking (Grace)
#286   Fun with big friends (Grace)
#287   Big girl making cake pops
#288   Pot of homemade soup
#289   Christmas Morning
#290   Bright happy faces
#291   Christmas (KK)
#292   Starbucks (KK)
#293   Recess & School (Grace)
#294   Cookies & Pets (Grace)
#295   Home & TV (Grace)
#296   P.E. (Grace)
#297   Mom & Dad (Grace)
#298   My little watching Sound of Music for the first time
#299   Boy sleepovers
#300   Girl turing 13
#301   Rays of sun through the fog
#302   Gentle reminders-preach the Gospel to my kids
#303   Naps
#304   Mall & Friday Finale (Grace)