Keeping It Real

I think the thing that holds me back so often from writing is the fear of keepin' it real! But, let's face it, if we don't keep it real, how in the heck are we going to move forward with things and grow the way God wants us to? So, here I am just keepin' it real today.  Today is sunny! And today, I feel like I can conquer the world!  These days are few and far between here in lovely Maryland.  sarcastic notes there. It is no secret that I miss sunny New Mexico.  But what is a secret is how bitter I have been at the circumstances and people surrounding our move back.  I feel far less bitter than months ago and even years ago, but there still is this tiny part of me that wants to just go all Madea on some folks.  You know Madea, the crazy black woman from the movies that always keeps it real.  You just don't mess with her, cause she might just drive a truck right into your living room.  And yes, that is the scene I have had in my mind on many occasion.  You just don't mess with my family. And you certainly don't ever question my husband's loyalty or priorities.  There is one thing I know, my husband lives to care and provide for his family.  Even if it means taking on three jobs while going to school full time, and doing them all well! And don't you ever question whether or not he is being a good husband and father.  But, we all come face to face with people at some point in our lives that push us to the breaking point and our path forever changes.  As humans we like to look at these circumstances and see all the messed up parts and get angry and bitter.  But as sons and daughters of God, we have no choice but to see these things as graces that push us forever closer to His Son.  Are they always pleasant? No.  Are they always exactly how God would have wanted them to happen? No.  But nothing is ever lost on God.  He uses all the messed up ugly sinful parts of us and uses them for His glory.  Oh what grace.  He IS faithful, and I am only starting to see God's plan for us here in this place at this time.  So….here's to sunshine!  Let's keep it real today….God loves us and has good things planned for us today. One step in front of the other we grow.  Thankful for promises.

A New Beginning

Life is all about change.  It's about the ebbs and flows and how we are going to deal with these waves.  Some have lives relatively steady; not much in the way of change or challenge, so it seems.  Then there are the ones who's lives seem to live in constant challenge.  In the last few years, I have felt like the latter.  But, you know what? I wouldn't want it any other way.  Challenge is what causes our faith to grow.  It's what causes us to question who we are, what we believe, what our values and priorities are.  Oh, ask me in the midst of something hard and I might crumble like a baby.  I have so many times in the last months, but as I look back over the course of 5 years or so, what I see is a girl questioning life and faith grow into a woman who knows what grace is and what her Savior did for her.  I see a girl coming of age and coming to faith and growing.
Our time away from DC was a time to be a bit free from the constant bombardment of competition, of time wasted, of keeping up with the Jones's, of being so engrossed in our own lives that we miss all that is going on around us. The last thing I ever wanted to do was to come back to this fast paced, competitive, fierce city with all its highways and claustrophobia inducing buildings and trees!! I loved the wide open spaces and friendly smiles, the slowness of life and the deep blue skies of New Mexico. I will cherish it forever as a break from this way of life that we find ourselves back in.  So…the question now is, how do I live my life here with the values and priorities of the slow ways I had come to love? How do I live simply and intentionally around personalities that fight to always be 5 steps ahead of everyone else.  This….this is the question of the year for me. As I sit here writing in our own space now, I come face to face with this challenge of keeping the priorities I hold dear; and I have to confess, these past 18 months I have been horribly selfish simply based on my grief of a life I wanted away from here. My kids have suffered, my husband has suffered, I have suffered.  But God….oh how I love these words.  "But God who is rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together in Christ…" Eph 2:4,5  There is redemption.  There is mercy.  There is hope.  I remember when I would write in NM, I would write at my desk and look out my window and see the backyard of my dreams, the mountain behind it and often hot air balloons floating through the sky.  Now, it's the hustle and bustle of a city driving by.  Much different…but my God is not.  With this hope, I know I can walk through this change as a new beginning and face many more challenges with grace.  My hope is that we can look back on this season as one of growth and grace and a life lived intentionally.  I want to instill this into my children as they grow through the changes of life.  As they embark on change this next year into public school, I hope and pray that they will look back on all God has held them through and not forget that He walks with them and strengthens them on a minute by minute basis.  I feel so full when I see them growing and being nurtured through life.
I am glad to be writing again.  I feel ready to tackle this next season and keep record of all God wants to do in the lives of this little family.  Our adventure continues….